A letter from my head

I wish that I understood how love and romance works.

I wish it were as easy as comparing a list of qualities on a sheet of paper or a computer screen and checking off what you both have in common and seeing if enough stuff matches up so you could date.

I wish there was an algorithm and you could just input the factors to see how long your relationship would last.

I wish things that could fade in time like looks were given less importance than the things that last forever--like character, being a kind soul, a caring person.

I wonder what makes two similar people remain friends or even enemies, and two totally different people last forever

I wonder if opposites attracting isn't just a myth

I wonder why rejection hurts so much.

I wonder why I lost the genetic lottery of attractiveness and being handsome.

I wonder why people can have such a good time with me and not see me as a romantic partner. Then again, I look at the previous question and wonder why I ask and answer my own questions.

I wonder why this keeps happening over and over again.

I wonder how much of myself I will have to change to conform to the standards of beauty so someone will give me a chance.

I wonder when I'll surrender and give up

I wonder how much more I can take of this before I snap for good.

And I wonder if I therapist can help me.

“It is strange how often a heart must be broken 
Before the years can make it wise.” 
― Sara Teasdale, The Collected Poems